I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
