I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just high enough for therapy.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
