The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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