whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
