I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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