Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
