so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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