what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
