Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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