I cockslap morals
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
