there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
