Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
