omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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