so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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