I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
