im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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