Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
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i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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