they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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