does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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