You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
