I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Randomize
