it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This is classic penis vs brain.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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