Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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