Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
