Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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