I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
