I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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