I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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