the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
