dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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