I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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