What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
