Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
