Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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