you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
