it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
