He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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