Pants 0. Shit 1.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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