Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
