I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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