ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
