Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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