Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
