I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
