I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
