you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
