I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
