i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just google imaged poop.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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