i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
