are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
