yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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