that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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