I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
