I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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