well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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