she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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