This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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