You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
