White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
