So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
