Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
