Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's the barista slut.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
