He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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