I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
