I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
