I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
