i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.