He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".