You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my being single is dangerous.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
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I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm at about main and main street
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
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My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.