just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
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He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
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I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.