the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS