tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love