so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
