Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Actions speak louder than pants.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
