whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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