That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
