youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
