oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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