I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
