drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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