That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
