what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
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I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
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Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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