she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
