im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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